50 reasons why you’re still single
By: Camilla Long
Do you wonder why everyone else is coupled up, apart from
you? Our correspondent has the answers
MEN - because you...
1 Wear side-buckle shoes
2 Use the word “chillax”, as in “chillax,
babe”
3 Use the word “babe”
4 Have glow-in-the-dark stars above your bed
5 Have nothing but a broken sandwich toaster, a camp bed
and a 60in plasma screen in your flat
6 Believe that certain things are self-cleaning
7 Wear short-sleeved shirts in the summer, but are not a
postman
8 Wear a duffel coat in the winter, but are not Paddington
Bear
9 Have “Thug Life” tattooed across the back of
your neck
10 Have sold your forehead to an internet advertising agency
11 Affectionately address your friends as “stinker”
12 Prefer the “fist bump” when meeting strangers,
and always insist they “lock it in”
13 Have knees that chafe
14 Regard the in-flight meal as the highlight of any flight,
or holiday, for that matter
15 Own a pair of Crocs
16 Are only gay when you’re drunk
17 Stand for the national anthem
18 Refuse to remove your Bluetooth headset before making
love
19 Throw baked beans at people who tease you
20 Shave your legs “for sporting purposes”
21 Have ever taken more than one mobile-phone photograph
of your genitals
22 Have telephoned in a late-night radio dedication
23 Have a stuffed parrot on your shoulder
24 Believe all worthwhile women are under 25
25 Have a name for it
WOMEN - because you...
1 Have a calendar stuck to your wall with pictures of babies
in plant pots
2 Have a “lucky” thong
3 Have more than zero stuffed animals on your bed
4 Still use scrunchies
5 Are described by your friends as “mad!”
6 Are described by your friends as “Samantha”
7 Know all the words to Mariah Carey’s Hero
8 Have written poetry in Costa Coffee
9 Use the expression “defo”
10 Have an extremely long nail on one of your little fingers
11 Have ever got corn rows on holiday
12 Get visibly angry if people don’t get what you’re
trying to mime in charades
13 Spell your name with a “y”, where there should
really be an “i”, as in “Clayre”
14 Dot your “i”s with a circle
15 Posed with your cat for your Facebook profile photo
16 Have a five o’clock shadow
17 Have bought yourself a Ginsters All Day Breakfast Roll
18 Write in coloured ink and/or use smiley faces in handwritten
letters
19 Think the energy crisis can be solved with crystals
20 Will not relinquish control
21 Spend all your time with your best friend and her husband
22 Own 27 volumes of Now That’s What I Call Music!
23 Have mistakenly given yourself “wedding hair”,
thanks to overzealous use of curling tongs
24 Have said, “Oh my God, you’re a Gemini?”
25 Own a pair of leather trousers
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