Sniffing out trouble
First-time meetings call for safety steps
From: Netsafe
It’s a dating horror story.
More than six months have passed since 19-year-old Donna
Jou went missing after she went on a date with a stranger
she met through Craigslist.org, the popular Internet bulletin
board.
The stranger turned out to be a convicted sex offender, and
Jou was last seen by her family climbing onto the back of
his motorcycle, heading to a party in Los Angeles in June.
While the man has since been detained on unrelated charges,
Jou remains missing and authorities fear the worst.
If Jou’s story doesn’t hit a nerve with you because
you’re not in the dating market, consider this: Katherine
Ann Olson, 24, of Minnesota, thought she was answering a baby-sitting
ad from a married couple who had just relocated to the Twin
Cities. Olson left her apartment in south Minneapolis on the
morning of Oct. 26 and never returned. Her body was found
in the trunk of her abandoned car the next day.
A 19-year-old man has been charged in her murder.
The truth is, what happened to Jou and what happened to Olson
could happen to anyone. To your friend, your sister, your
daughter. People meeting other people via social-networking
sites such as My-Space.com or online dating services such
as Match. com has become routine.
The reality is, meeting someone or going out with someone
new — even the oldfashioned, non-Internet way —
all boils down to the same thing: You’re going out with
a stranger, or at least someone you don’t know well enough
to be certain they’re not a threat.
Short of going on a date armed to the teeth, there are some
measures you can take to protect yourself.
One step is to inform at least two friends whenever you have
a date with someone new. Give them the date’s full name,
phone number, when and where you’re supposed to meet
(You never want a stranger to know where you live too early
on). You can also Google your date to see what turns up. Once,
I discovered a seemingly nice guy’s blog, which turned
out to be completely offensive.
“I found out one of my exgirlfriends had a DUI after
Googling her,” said George Tunea, 28, of Ohio. “You
can find out all kinds of things about someone if you look
on the Internet.”
Going beyond Googling also might be wise.
“Anyone can check the Megan’s Law sex-offender
database,” said Jim Amormino, spokesman for the Orange
County (Calif.) Sheriff’s Department.
But even that’s not a guarantee. The name that Donna
Jou’s date gave was an alias.
Another good idea is to have an exit strategy during the
date. Making a quick trip to the bathroom and having a friend
call five minutes later with an “urgent family emergency”
can be a face-saving way to end any encounter early.
“Usually I’ll run to the bathroom during the date
to call my best friend and let her know the guy’s not
a creep or whatever,” said Andrea Dinh, 27, of Huntington
Beach, Calif. “She’ll do the same with me. We’ve
got each other’s back that way.”
Several guys said dating security is more of an issue for
women.
“I don’t have any problem if the girl wants to
bring a friend along for the first date if it makes her feel
more comfortable,” said M. Kelly Wilt, 28, of Santa Ana,
Calif. “It’s scary out there for a woman, I understand.
Man, if I could have a girl bring in a filled-out (date) application,
so I could make sure she was cool, too, that would be perfect.”
Many women said they preferred not to go out on dates with
people they didn’t know and would rather meet people
through friends. Or, if they did go out with someone they
barely knew, the situation could call for group outings so
their friends could meet and check out the person, too.
Wilt and others said sites such as Match.com may be less
sketchy for finding dates, but a site like Craigslist should
never be consulted for romance.
“Don’t search for a guy on Craigslist, ever,”
said Wilt. “Have you seen those weird, crazy personals
on there?”
INTERNET DATING TIPS
- You are missing a lot of crucial information about a person
when chatting online — the sound of their voice, their
body language, all of the intuitive sort of information you
pick up when someone is physically close.
- Be careful what personal information you give out. Because
you get comfortable with other people quickly on the Net,
you may unknowingly let your guard down.
- Choose chatrooms (or Internet dating services that have
a stated policy about inappropriate, harassing or threatening
behavior and enforce it.
- Look for chatrooms that have the facility to save conversation
logs. That way, if something goes wrong, you have the evidence
to make a complaint to the moderator or the police.
- Be very cautious if you consider a face-to-face encounter.
Meet in a public place with lots of people and take along
a friend, if possible. Take a mobile phone just in case you
need help.
- Remain on a first-name basis for the meeting. It’s
far better, in case the meeting doesn’t go well, that
your personal details are still unknown to this Internet friend.
- If you are serious enough to want to fly to meet this person
you have been chatting with for months, you can still take
basic precautions, such as meeting in a public place first,
even if the meeting is overseas. Plan the meeting so you have
some options in case you change your mind.
- People need time to reconcile the Internet personality
they have come to know with the flesh and blood person. By
being cautious you may protect yourself from harm.
- A good relationship will only be enhanced by respecting
each other’s concern regarding personal safety.
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