Lonely-Looking to Meet Someone?

From: E-zine articles

By Talia Mana

If you're single or your relationship is up for review, take heart. For some singles, seeing others in love symbolises what's missing in their life. They look jealously at happy couples in love, at people making plans for partnership or marriage and at those who seem to step lightly through love, never having their hearts broken. If you're alone on Valentine's Day today is good day to start afresh with hope in your heart but more importantly with a practical mind that is ready to take the steps necessary to put you on the path to happiness.

These 10 tips from Romancing the Frogs will show you how:

1. You are in control of your life
Being single doesn’t need to mean being lonely or bored. You can choose to be a victim and complain about being single or you can take charge of your life and make it an exciting and fulfilling adventure. Choose to be happy as a single person and you will enjoy your life much more.

2. There is more to life than finding a partner
Don’t worry, stress out or dwell on the fact that you are single. It’s only temporary, and in the interim your mission is to fill your days with as many interesting activities and people as you can find. Learn to focus on all the good points about being single - the independence, the freedom to make your own choices, and the opportunities to travel and pursue your own selfish desires.

Set yourself challenging goals and make sure you are always moving forward in your life. Don’t ever put things on hold (for example going on a diet, moving house, travelling, changing your job) while you wait for your new partner to materialise. You do not need rescuing. You are perfectly capable of doing things on your own. If you need someone to hold your hand then look to your friends or family. Sort your life out before you get a partner and the new relationship will be much stronger.

3. Be confident and happy and other people will find you attractive
The less energy you put into looking for a partner the more chance there is of finding one. Desperation is the ultimate turn off. When your sole focus in life is to meet a partner you often attract people who take advantage of your vulnerable state.

Appreciate yourself as you are, and give thanks for all the good things that are already in your life. Make an effort to be happy and positive about your life and always expect the best. Appear confident, independent and motivated, and people will be queuing to meet you.

4. You can find someone worthwhile
When you are ready to start dating, don’t panic, there are a lot of good prospective mates out there. Forget about the losers and start focusing on what you want. The more time you spend thinking about the bad dates you have had or that you fear you may have, the more chance there is that things will go wrong.

Unless you are planning an orgy you’re only looking for one man or woman to spend the rest of your life with so you don’t have to worry if a few don’t make the grade. There’s no need to fret if most of the people you meet aren’t right for you, the more people you meet the greater the odds are of finding the one that’s right for you. Look for friendship and chemistry coupled with good communication , respect and honesty and you are on to a winning combination.

It is far better to be single than to stay with someone for convenience or to stave off loneliness. Be honest with yourself, if the person you are with falls well short of your ideal or you are unhappy in the relationship then move on and free yourself to meet someone better.

5. Not every person you’re involved with needs to be a life long partner
Many of your relationships can be likened to classes at school. You are there for a period of time to learn new things and when the lesson is over you will move on to a new relationship or phase in your life.

By dating and being involved with several people you can learn more about yourself. It will also help shape your ideas about the sort of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You may think you want to marry a farmer, but after a relationship with a farmer you may realise that the lifestyle doesn’t suit you. Never think of any relationship as a waste of time. Every partnership you are involved in will help you grow and develop as a person.

6. Live in the moment
Relationships are the one area in our life where deadlines don’t work. You can set a goal to get a degree, paint your house or change jobs by the end of the year and be confident of achieving it, but if you set a goal to meet the love of your life before June you will probably be disappointed.

Relax, live in the moment and don’t worry about whether or not you will meet a partner in the future. The less time you spend worrying about the future the quicker your ideal mate will appear.

7. You need your friends
Now is the time to build up a strong network of friends and associates who can support you while you’re single. Having good friends can help you in several ways. Apart from providing companionship and an active social life, friends and family can introduce you to other people to enlarge your social circle and can provide a shoulder to cry on if things go wrong.

Actively seek out new friends and consciously befriend people who have positive healthy attitudes towards both partnerships and the single life.

8. Don’t get lost in the past
After a relationship ends learn from your experiences and then move on. Why waste time on regrets for what might have been or indulge in futile hopes for the future. The relationship is over and the sooner you accept this the quicker you will recover from the heartache.

9. The ultimate revenge
Getting on with your life and leading a busy fulfilling life is the ultimate revenge after a relationship breaks up. Don’t kid yourself that your ex will feel sorry for you when they hear that you are crying yourself to sleep. They will not appear at your bedside to wipe away the tears.

Let them see or hear that you are out enjoying yourself and have already got over them and you will have the last laugh. Never indulge in petty retaliation, stalking, or abusive phone calls. Moving on and being happy without your ex is a far more satisfying way of farewelling them.

10. Move out of your comfort zone
Theory is good but the only real way to improve your life is through action. You can sit at home and ponder what might be or you can go out and start making things happen. The goals and plans you’ve written are useless until you start implementing them.

Start meeting new people, doing new things and going to new places. Be prepared to take a few risks, try new things that you have never tried before. The only real way to meet Mister or Miss Right is by making changes to your life. So be daring - the rewards are worth it!

This is an extract from Romancing the Frogs. To read more about the book visit www.taliamana.com

Talia Mana is a Health Psychologist, inspirational speaker and author who specialises in personal growth and wellness. She is the founder of the Centre for Emotional Well-Being which can be found at http://www.taliamana.com.

Her first book, Romancing the Frogs: A Singles Guide to Love & Happiness helps people find love. Her second book The Art of Calm: Freedom from Stress and Worry offers more than 100 tips on stress management and is based on her own experiences with stress-related illness. Talia is currently researching emotional eating and mental health issues.

You can visit her blog at http://taliamana.blogspot.com