Online dating 'sad and frustrating'
By: Natalie Armstrong
Published: 2 January 2008
Online dating ... singles websites like RVSP can be just
as fun – and frustrating – as the bar scene
ONLINE dating renews women's hope in love and sex but can
be just as disappointing as the real-life dating scene, according
to new Canadian research.
Susan Frohlick, an anthropology professor at the University
of Manitoba in Winnipeg, says the women she surveyed gained
a sense of empowerment from their online dating experiences.
But they still wanted the man to make the first move and
expected him pick up the tab.
"Women are finding it as a useful tool to enter into
the dating world, they find that it's safe, they find that
they can be a little more bold than they would in face-to-face
relationships," Ms Frohlick said of her survey, which
looks at how women over 30 view online dating.
"But, at the same time, they are experiencing frustration
because it does seem that the internet in many ways is just
the same old bar scene."
Complaints include a preponderance of men who are looking
for much younger women, as well as men who misrepresent their
looks, interests or marital status, or who show little interest
in moving the relationship offline, she said.
"There's not much of a difference between the virtual
world and the real world," said Linda, 33, a Toronto
professional who has used an online dating site on and off,
three or four times for a few months each time.
"It's sad and equally as frustrating."
Linda says she knows it can work out, noting that a friend
met her husband after spending more than two years on different
websites, but she admits she's given up on the game.
"At least when you're in the bar, you know what they
look like," she said, citing examples of meeting bald
men whose profile pictures displayed a full head of hair.
"A lot more successful, attractive women are using these
tools – I don't think the men match up."
Lori Miller, a singles and dating expert for www.lavalife.com
in Toronto, says dating via the web can mimic the bar scene.
But it also gives women the chance to approach and meet dozens
of men while knowing a little something about them beforehand.
"You're literally thrown into the largest singles bar,"
she said.
"It is a lot of work, it is the luck of the draw just
like being in that coffee shop and meeting the one."
Ms Frohlick's small survey, to be completed in April, is
questioning up to 25 Canadian women about their online dating
habits. She hopes it will become a pilot for a far larger
survey of women across North America.
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