Valentines Romance Tips For Women With A Chronic Illness
By Lisa Copen
“Hot and bothered!” For most people these words
create images of being twisted up in sheets, breathlessly
reaching out to the one you love. For those with chronic illness,
however, “hot” is more likely to refer to one’s
thyroid condition, night sweats, or a heating pad on high.
“Bothered. . .” Well, let’s just say when your
body aches, everything makes you feel bothered: a cat that
won’t move off your leg, a joint that continues to throb,
and a husband that is able to snore through minor earthquakes.
It can be hard to be romantic!
Most people don’t realize that nearly 1 in 2 people
live with a chronic illness in the U.S.A. And when it comes
to marriages, chronic illness and mental illness, does not
have a good impact! Seventy-five percent of marriages end
in divorce. It takes more than Valentine’s Day romance
a few days a year to keep a marriage alive and romantic.
So, how do you create that romantic environment when you
are in physical pain? I’ve got some creative romantic
ideas to get some of that spark back!
Put forth some effort. No more excuses. “I’m so
exhausted, I don’t feel that great. My body feels like
it was run over by a truck.” I’ve said them all.
But guess what? If you have an illness you’ll probably
always be tired in a way normal people aren’t tired.
So put on some music and relax. The distraction of romance
can make you forget about a great deal of the pain!
Prioritize romance. Cleaning the house all day Saturday and
then claiming you’re “just too tired” can make
your spouse feel that he isn’t as important as your own
agenda. Get some rest so you can at least have a decent conversation
without falling asleep.
Do whatever it takes to be enthusiastic for your romantic
evening. If you go out for a nice dinner, don’t tell
him over the menu, “I actually feel pretty sick, so I
don’t know what to eat. I really am going out just as
a favor for you.” (That’s won’t turn your loved
one on in the least!) Even if your romance is just dinner
out, enjoy talking about some dreams you still have or what
your hopes are for the future. Avoid talking about your illness
or how it could change them all at the drop of a hat.
You don’t have to write romantic love poems. Just put
together a mini-album of your favorite photos and include
notes about your memories and how much he means to you.
Make a list of all the things you notice he does that you
don’t usually thank him for: taking out the garbage,
getting you medication in the middle of the night, giving
your child a bath, cleaning out the litter box. Type out a
sheet of all of this stuff in fun fonts and different colors.
Women, let’s get real. Regardless of your weight, get
over feeling self-conscious and buy some underwear from a
store that doesn’t also sell tires.
Learn to text message with your phone and send him a messge
that says something out of character for you. Be outrageously
romantic, just make sure you send it to the right person in
your phone book!
Make up coupons for something he would like but wouldn’t
typically splurge on for himself. For example, “Good
for 5 guilt-free hours of going fishing with the guys.”
Don’t make him feel guilty whenever he wants to do something
you can participate in (like going for a bike ride or on a
roller coaster.)
Perfect marriages will never exist, but a even a marriage
that has an illness can be a huge blessing and not just a
state of survival. Romance comes in many ways. I remember
loving my husband more than ever the night I couldn’t
not move because of a rheumatoid arthritis flare. I “slept”
sitting on the couch and he spent the night on the floor beside
the couch to comfort me every time I screamed from the pain.
Love comes in many forms. One of the books I’ve bought
all the couples in my life is “Love & Respect: The
Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs”
by Emerson Eggerichs. Men often feel loved when they are respected,
women want to feel loved. Usually we are offering our spouse
what we wan’t, not what they need. Being aware of all
of the little things we do each day that give one another
love and respect, add up to romance when you least expect
it.
About the Author:
Get 40 pages of “Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage
a Chronically Ill Friend” by Lisa Copen when you subscribe
HopeNotes chronic illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is
the director of Invisible Illness Awareness Week
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