Why men make better friends. (Just don't date 'em!)
By: Samantha Brett
Why is it that whenever a man and a woman are friends (and
I'm talking in the truest sense, not the "bonk buddy"
type) and dare to step out in broad daylight together, suddenly
a hapless litany of folks feel it their duty to pass judgement
on the poor unsuspecting twosome?
"Oooh, so was it a date?" they enthusiastically
quiz, which is shortly followed by a torrent of "so why
don't you guys make out already?", "you're such
a great couple!", "you look so good together!",
"it's so obvious you fancy the socks off each other!"
and worst of all, "if you're not going to make your move,
do you mind if I bonk 'em instead?" Argh! No wonder male-female
friendships are more complicated than doing a Sunday Sudoko
puzzle with hangover, and a pen.
Of course the perplexity and mystification surrounding male/female
friendships is nothing new ...
Back in the 19th century, philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche
realised the multitude of quandaries such unions caused, and
blamed it on the women, (oh how men love to blame us for every
diminutive thing), musing that while the fairer sex can form
friendships with men very well, to preserve these friendships,
we need "a slight physical antipathy" towards our
male counterpart.
Oscar Wilde disagreed, declaring that's it's the fault of
both sexes when he stated that "between men and women
there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity,
worship, love, but no friendship."
And more recently, comedian Chris Rock decided to give women
a break, blaming it all on the gents when he surmised this;
"Men don't have platonic friends. We just have women
we haven't had sex with yet." Hmph.
So why do so many modern women chose male mates over their
female counterparts?
It seems even the jury is stumped over this one because according
to new research, women make better mates thanks to the fact
they're "deeper and more moral" than the blokes.
This according to a study carried out by sociologists from
the University of Manchester which found that men are more
picky when it comes to friends, and plus they're more "likely
to base these relationships on social drinking". (No
surprise there.)
Yet these days, when women are fighting over everything including
the last handbag at an Oroton sample sale akin to a blood
sport worthy of the Olympics, it's no surprise that being
friends with men appears the only fail-safe friendship alternative.
"Men can be trusted, relied on and you know they wont
want to borrow your shoes or steal your boyfriend," says
28-year-old model Julie Goose, when I ask her what it's like
to hang out with men so often. Julie is one of those ladies
that ditched the gal-pal gang as soon as she could fit into
a bra, and graduated university summa cum laude with a masters
in business and a bevy of blokes listed in her filofax.
The trouble, however, is that thanks to Julie's waist-length
blonde locks, lithe latte-coloured limbs (that seem to unfairly
reach until the moon) and curves that would make even J-Lo
reaching for the thigh-master, men can't seem to help but
fall in love with her. And while there's been more broken
hearts along the way than high heels in her closet (them,
not her), I can't help but notice that there might be some
merit to her no-women-friendship policy.
Office affairs
Case in point is a marketing manager friend who has worked
in one too many all-girl offices. "The bitching, the
back-stabbing, the jeers and the competition is enough to
make anyone go mad," she confides. "There'd be emails
going around about the other girls behind their backs teasing
them about everything from what they were wearing to who they
were dating and what they were eating for lunch. It was nasty."
To see if the same sort of tosh occurred in all-male environments,
(and I highly suspected not), I decided to question a male
journalist friend who has spent the last half decade working
at a lads mag in an all-male environment. "It's like
being at the pub with mates!" he tells me. "There's
lots of joking around, talking about sport, playing office
cricket and chatting about awesome movies. But it's mostly
discussing women and their anatomy, as well as sex stories.
And the more embarrassing the better!
"Seriously, it's definitely less competitive and bitchy
than a women's office. There's less backstabbing, infighting,
clicks - all that girly rubbish. People get along really well.
It's much louder than a women's office too. There's constant
banter, music and joking. It's like one big frat party."
Sounds good to me. No wonder women prefer the company of
men.
Why it's impossible to date someone who already has an opposite
sex best friend
Yet if we do choose to be friends with men, another conundrum
pops up: trying to find a date with another man becomes an
impossible feat.
Over the holidays, I got to watching some of the MTV hit
show The Hills. (It was a rainy day.) In case you haven't
seen it, here's the quick run-down: it's a reality show (or
so they claim) which focuses on the lives, loves, careers
and catfights of a bunch of almost twenty-somethings living
in the Hollywood Hills. What's intriguing about the show to
me is the intricate relationships between the characters,
particularly the one between protagonist Lauren Conrad, and
her best friend of two years Brody Jenner. It seems every
man Lauren meets doesn't add up to Brody and when she does
try to date someone else, she finds herself comparing him
to Brody, who no-one seems to match up to.
So in saying that, do platonic friendships inhibit us from
meeting someone else? Do they prevent us from dating and falling
in love in fear of jeopardising the friendship with our platonic
beau? Or is the real reason we're still single because we're
in love with our best friend... we just don't want to admit
it ...
What do you think? Do you agree with the research that women
make better friends than men? Which sex do you enjoy socialising
with more? Does a close platonic friendship prevent you from
dating other people? And is it really possible for men and
women to just "be friends" - no string attached?
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